Every once in awhile I like to offer my unsolicited wedding advice. Of course my interest here is from a photographic perspective. I'm not a wedding planner and I am not a bride, so my interests and priorities are not always in line with theirs. And that is fine. I realize I cannot have things happen the way I deem would be best, and that I have to defer to the wishes of my clients. It is their wedding after all, and I have no interest in imposing my will or wishes on them. But I have been to a lot of weddings over the years, which means I have some experience as a photographer that I believe can be helpful in making a person's wedding a better experience for them. With that in mind, I humbly offer here a few suggestions, again from one photographer's perspective. These are thoughts that I have carried with me for some time now. Here they are, in no particular order:
1. First dance/Father-Daughter dance/Mother-Son dance: There are basically two times for these dances to take place, before dinner or after dinner. It probably does not matter too much when you have it, but what I believe does matter is having the full attention of your guests for those dances. Oftentimes during these dances, I will look around the room. I am looking for emotionally engaged people, with a tear in their eye or a big smile as they watch the bride and her father dance together. These are great photos when they happen. What I often see though are people with their backs to the dance floor, or people off in the corner laughing, or people munching on their salad. And as I am taking photos of the couple dancing, I know that in the background there will be people with their back to the dance floor, or people off in the corner laughing, or people munching on their salad . . all unengaged with this special moment. I'm not sure what the secret is for fully engaging your guests, but my first guess is that it probably starts with your deejay. I would recommend talking with the deejay during your planning process to see what they recommend and what they can do to pull everyone's attention to the dance floor. Now I understand that for some couples, these dances might be important to them, but not so important that they need everyone's full attention. But again, from a photographic perspective, it sure makes for better photos when you have guests who are watching.
2. Ceremony and the Vows: This is very minor and probably difficult for a couple to do while in the moment, but oftentimes during the wedding ceremony, when the couple are facing each other, they tend to look too much at the officiant. The officiant is speaking, so it is understandable that they would look at him (her). When they are looking at the officiant however, they are not looking at each other; and their heads are turned away from the crowd and usually away from the camera. This again is minor because there are of course times when they are looking at each other; but I have done enough weddings where I was mumbling to myself "Please, look at each other" to know that it can be a problem, at least for photos. My advice, stay focused on each other.
3. Go ahead and see each other prior to the ceremony. I, sometimes too passionately, always introduce this concept to couples as an option. Sometimes for practical reasons it just makes better sense to do it this way, but I am convinced from experience that it just makes sense period. I have to be careful here because I am not dogmatic about it, and I don't want potential clients to believe I am dogmatic about this. Some photographers will only photograph a wedding if the couple agrees to do all their photos prior to the ceremony. I certainly have not gotten to that point yet, but I can understand why these photographers prefer the photo session this way.
To me there is no downside to doing all the photos before the ceremony, unless you have a huge amount of down time between the ceremony and the reception, or if the ceremony is real early in the morning. At least a third of the weddings I have done have been done this way, and in every case the couple was enthusiastically glad they did it that way. The first look becomes much more special to them, they get to spend some time talking with each other, all the stress and anxiety is immediately gone . . they can enjoy a relaxed photo session with few distractions, and when the ceremony is over there is not this fast pace, dizzying photo time away from their guests. I will get myself in trouble here, so please be clear that this is just my opinion: most times people don't want to see each other because it is not "traditional" and/or it is considered bad luck. I'm just not sure I can understand basing your wedding on a superstition; and what tradition? When I think tradition I think a church wedding, yet very few weddings I do take place in a church.
I tend to be a romantic, and to me, if done right, a first look can be much more romantic. I've seen more grooms in tears during a first look than I ever have when they see other the first time walking down the aisle. Everyone is different though, and I know that I cannot impose my own thoughts regarding this on anyone else. In the end the photos always seem to work out. The entire day however just seems to go significantly better for everyone when a couple goes ahead and sees each other prior to the ceremony. That at least is my experience.
4. Be on time. Kind of hard for a bride to control her time prior to the ceremony when she is dependent on hair stylists and make up artists and bridesmaids and wardrobe malfunctions. All I can say here is that it seems rare for a bride to be ready on time. I think what might be helpful is to have someone there who is keeping you on track with your timelines. Most wedding coordinators are dealing with the actual ceremony and reception and not with getting the bride ready on time for photos. I would recommend for any bride to have a go person who can do that for you. It needs to be someone who doesn't mind keeping an eye on the clock and is bossy enough to keep you on time. As a bride you have too many other distractions that you can easily lose track of your own time. Having someone there to help keep you on track might be a good thing.
